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8 Unique & Fun Ways to Feel Better mentally

Wed, 24 Apr 2024 13:32:21 GMT

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Lifeturnaround

melinda@ayuda-group.com (Melinda Beckett-Hughes) — Mon, 23 Aug 2021 12:17:33 GMT

I ntroducing the Ayuda Lifeturnaround Programme

The pandemic has created all manner of new workplace stresses, including:

· Prolonged periods of working from home

· Too much screen time

· Not enough exercise or social interaction

· Home schooling

· Ill health and bereavement

Through it all, senior managers have been expected to hold everything together for their teams – often when they themselves have been on the brink of breakdown for months.

Fortunately, today there is much greater awareness of mental health. Most risk situations can be identified before the real crisis happens.

But working from home can present additional unseen stresses, as well as too easy access to the fridge or wine rack. And this can soon turn from small comfort to threatening dependency.

What’s the worst-case scenario?

Sadly, there are too many situations where stress becomes endemic. The individual hobbles along, but they’re functioning poorly and lacking in the empathy and leadership they need to steer their team.

If things continue to escalate, it can result in severe mental illness and a weeks- or months-long absence from work.

But this is where we can help.

Instead of a prolonged, costly sickness absence, the staff member in question undertakes a confidential, intensive Lifeturnaround Programme with our experienced therapists and coaches – led by Melinda Beckett-Hughes.

What’s involved in the Lifeturnaround Programme?

Specifically designed for each individual, it includes a range of therapies for body, mind, and spirit.

Intensive personal and leadership coaching allows the individual to think through their options about returning to work – including managed departures and the search for a new lifestyle, job, or career.

For a relatively small investment, the individual gets clarity on their situation and to chart a new path forward. And your business avoids a ‘no man’s land’ situation where compromise and progress feels somehow impossible.

Compared with the financial pain of sickness absences, interim staff, rehiring, inductions, and poor team morale the outlay is minimal.

Recovery from Burnout

melinda@ayuda-group.com (Melinda Beckett-Hughes) — Tue, 27 Jul 2021 05:05:50 GMT

How a retreat can help start the healing Process

Ayuda Retreats founder and member of the British Psychological Society (BPS) Melinda Beckett-Hughes answers your questions on burnout and building a brighter, healthier future.

How do I recognise burnout?

It manifests in different ways. You might feel like you’re continually living on empty. You may be tired when you wake up, or unable to sleep well at all. Others feel numb and disengaged from life or find it hard to get in touch with their feelings.

Being burned out is a horrible feeling – like a general sense of malaise and depression. Other symptoms include:

· Feeling like you’re on ‘automatic pilot’ and going through the motions.

· Continually over-working, even though you’re exhausted – because it’s less tiring than thinking about change.

· Feeling irritable and bad tempered.

· Being anti-social and almost reclusive, which may result in a vicious circle of you becoming increasingly socially excluded.

· Suffering in silence like a martyr.

· Experiencing associated issues such as digestive disorders, headaches, and aching limbs.

How do I start the turnaround process?

Recognise what it is and name the problem. Being burned out is not something to be ashamed of.

You should also know you’re not alone. Right now, there are thousands of people who feel the same as you. It doesn’t make you a bad person. In fact, in many ways it may be a sign of you being a good person as you’ve likely been over-caring and self-sacrificing either at home or at work.

So it’s time to put yourself first – and that’s perfectly OK. Make your recovery your top priority. That might mean taking some time off work or coming to an agreement with your loved ones to be away from home. It’s crucial to realise that if you don’t do something now, it could lead to a worsening state which is harder to come back from.

What do I need to change?

Going on a retreat is the perfect way to start the process. It carves out time for you and you alone.

There’s no point going on a beach holiday and coming back without having made some decisions and changed some behaviours that alter your course. On a retreat, you’ll learn to say no, set new boundaries, and visualise an alternative lifestyle where you are joyful and energised.

All of this is possible to achieve. You’ll discover how to let go of what’s been especially stressful. You can also aim to cut out any of the props which have been sustaining you, such as excessive alcohol, smoking or sugary foods. And by discovering mindfulness with practices like meditation, prayer and yoga you’ll learn to relax and breathe differently. Taking plenty of time in the open air either by the ocean or in the mountains nourishes your soul.

What else do you recommend?

Work with your coach to really identify the source of the problem and decide what’s within your control. Accept that you can’t change anyone else, or situations beyond your control. Make decisions about your new boundaries and learn how to use the right language to detach from toxic situations which are burning you out. And, if the time is right, recognise your need for a job or career change and plan what you’re going to do about it.

Overall, it’s about priorities. Focus on the new you. How do you want people to see you? How do you want them to relate to you? Is your life ‘all work and no play’? Or can you start to carve out time for some activities which would enrich you, feed your soul, and recharge your energy?

Remember, you’re not alone and the new connections you make on a retreat will give you hope and encouragement. A touch of human kindness, combined with warm sunshine and relaxing therapies, will ensure you start the much-needed healing process.

A Women's Wellness Retreat

melinda@ayuda-group.com (Melinda Beckett-Hughes) — Fri, 16 Jul 2021 12:26:28 GMT

Why Midlife is the perfect time to retire superwoman for good

Are you a ‘sandwich carer,’ dividing your diminishing energy between still-dependent kids and aging parents?

Perhaps your children have recently left home, and a loss of identity has arrived at the same time as a newfound freedom to redefine yourself?

Or perhaps your relationship or job – good or bad – has come to an end, and you’re left contemplating your emotional and financial future?

There are many situations facing women 'd'un certain âge' which are best worked out in community with other supportive women.

Driven to success...

Many women of this age, including myself, could be described as a ‘Thatcher’s Child’. And I don’t mean this to indicate a political persuasion.

In my coming of age as a businesswoman, I was motivated by the belief that being driven by business goals and visible material success made me appear strongly self-actualised as a person and would make me ‘happy’ (whatever that meant, I wasn’t sure). I wanted to prove I could do everything a man could, but better – from taking daring business risks to lifting heavier weights or even seducing the most eligible batchelors!.

As a result, I became a plc director aged 30 and then owner of my own international consulting business not long after.

… but arriving at a lack of fulfilment

In reality, my drive to become the archetypal Superwoman only led to a lack of fulfilment and the development of a certain grandiosity – or even imperiousness – which was actually unattractive to nice, genuine people.

I eventually recognised some of these unhealthy patterns through counselling. I started to work on these faulty assumptions and thinking patterns. I also learned to slow down.

Even then, I didn’t get everything right. In fact, I turned so far away from this unpleasant self-image that I morphed into the archetypical ‘domestic goddess’ running a boutique guest house. Unsurprisingly, that didn’t fulfil me either!

The power of women

I’d often eschewed the company of other woman, stating I was more of a man’s woman as I found men less complicated, more direct, and easier to work with.

The breakthrough came when I became part of the One of Many Women community.

I started to discover I was not alone in striving for a more balanced work and personal life. Superwoman, we learn, is not sustainable. Instead, what happens is that we burn out and default to the negative stereotypes of martyr, victim, or bitch.

So, we need to proactively learn how to develop a range of healthy power types which can be accessed in the right situation. These are known as sorceress, queen, lover, mother, and warrioress.

Revel in our Women’s Wellness retreats

On our Women’s Wellness retreats, our accredited One of Many Women coaches will teach you how you can use these tools to recognise the unhealthy patterns you have been living and learn to develop these new power types.

This will lead to both healthier relationships and the ability to redefine your future and build your confidence to achieve the results you want. In turn, you’ll become more fulfilled emotionally, professionally and in your health and wellness.

These retreats will also give you plenty of time for self-nourishment through holistic treatments, meditation, yoga, and lots of free time in the sun and fresh air. Time alone and time in community will be perfectly balanced to enable you to learn to thrive again.

Melinda Beckett-Hughes

A luxury Antalya retreat

melinda@ayuda-group.com (Melinda Beckett-Hughes) — Thu, 10 Jun 2021 12:09:28 GMT

Why our new home is in a stunning corner of Turkey

After many happy years in Cheshire, Ayuda House has transformed into Villa Ayuda with a new home near Antalya, Turkey – and we can’t wait to welcome you to our luxury sanctuary on the Mediterranean coast.

Walk through the doors at our brand-new villas and you’ll discover a world of rest, relaxation, mindfulness and spirituality. You’ll find solace in a land where East meets West. And you’ll have the freedom and support to set a new vision for the future, working out what’s most important in your post-lockdown life and how to maximise your health, wellbeing, relationships and career.

The space you need. The luxury you deserve.

That’s the promise of Ayuda Retreats. In Antalya, we think we’ve found the perfect place to make sure you get the very best experience – time after time, whatever your current situation.

Here are five reasons why we’ve found ourselves in this beautiful part of Turkey.

Antalya retreat: the key attractions

A captivating history

If you’ve never visited Turkey, you’ll be amazed by the melting pot of cultures and history that come together in this fascinating country. This is literally the land where Europe meets Asia. Sharing a border with eight different countries, Turkey’s history is filled with drama and adventure. Antalya was founded in 150 BC. It’s been part of the Roman, Byzantine and Ottoman empires. And more recently it hosted the 2015 G20 Summit. This is a place where people come together – and have done for millennia.

Exquisite surroundings
With our new base situated less than one kilometre from Turkey’s breathtaking Turquoise Coast, you’ll find beauty at every turn. As you reflect and reset in the Mediterranean breeze, you can contemplate a trip to the Taurus Mountains in the north. If you want to stay closer to home, there are Turkish baths, historic mosques and incredible waterfalls all within easy reach.
Five-star luxury
At Ayuda Retreats, we’ll never compromise on the quality of our location or accommodation. At our new Antalya base, you’ll experience only the very best. This is a deliberate choice on our part. Because without the distractions of a lesser quality space, you’re free to concentrate on what really matters: you.

Built by BABA Innovation, a German-Turkish construction firm with 20 years’ experience, our new base is a bespoke haven. German architecture, high-quality finishes and luxury touches combine to create a space where you can escape the trappings of modern-day hustle and bustle – without compromising on your standard of living.
Nearby attractions
Reassuringly close to civilisation. A million miles from hassle. That’s our philosophy at our new Antalya base and we think you’ll love it. You can enjoy all the time and space you need to delve into deep, meaningful reflection and meditation. But if you want to venture into the outside world, you’ll soon find first-class health clinics and cosmetic practices, ancient Roman ruins, outstanding beaches, exceptional golf courses and the magnificent walled town of Kaleiçi.
Wonderful weather
Whatever time of the year you’re planning to visit, you’ll be met with a climate that embraces you rather than pushes you away. Average daily temperatures in the summer hover at 29°C. And even in the coldest months of winter, you’ll still experience daily averages of 10°C. In fact, temperatures in December and January have both been known to hit 20°C. So you’ll have all the comfort you need.

Interested in finding out more? We cater for individuals looking to book a pre-planned retreat or group organisers looking for a luxury retreat location. .

Leadership Lessons from Lockdown Baking

melinda@ayuda-group.com (Melinda Beckett-Hughes) — Thu, 28 May 2020 15:35:25 GMT

Keep feeding your leadership levain!

I was working with one of my valued mentors today and she was asking me to think about my strengths as an executive coach and how I approach leadership. As I had just baked some sourdough bread, the dough for which I had prepared yesterday. I found myself using the analogy of levain. Levain needs at least a week to make as it needs to attract bacteria from the air but this same levain can be continuously fed and used for a lifetime. The one I used was kindly provided by a local artisan baker and was over 80 years old!

When making my dough yesterday I mixed 200g of this levain with 900g of flour and 620g of water and 16g salt and after a lot of stretching and folding and a huge dollop of patience, since in Baker Jack's Recipe (see the full video on Youtube) you have to wait a total of 6 hours for it to prove, it finally went in the oven this morning. And miraculously it came out as two perfect loaves (see the evidence!). When it was sliced, still warm, through its bronzed crust you could see the fermentation and the perfect chewiness of the bread.

“So what has this to do with leadership?” I hear you ask. Well think of the levain as something which is living and breathing and takes days of feeding and leaving to attract what is in its natural environment to ferment and develop fully to the perfect potency for bread making. I see this as something akin to the wisdom of the leader who has been exposed to very many different situations in his environment to be ‘ready’ to be used. It takes time, you can’t rush it and if you let it mature naturally it will last decades, provided it is fed. For flour and water substitute continuous personal and professional development through reading and learning and sharing your wisdom.

So then you want to make a big crusty loaf (aka your business or team) you add the levain to the main ingredients of your dough mix and start to go through the various stages of kneading, folding, resting, waiting, proving and shaping. Sometimes a coach/leader needs to work with their team hard getting the perfect mix. Then they have to leave it alone to mature and develop. After a time she comes and does another piece of work with them and leaves for another while without interfering too much. That’s sometimes the hardest part of baking, leaving it alone and not checking the oven every 10 minutes! This can sometimes be the hardest part of being a coach/leader too – just trusting the process and not overworking the dough which can either over-ferment, lose its aeration or become fatigued and lose its structure.

My mentor asked me what was my own levain that I bring to my ‘loaf’ as a Coach and I had to think hard. “Faith, determination, courage, ability to take risks, enthusiasm, charisma, positivity and humour…”. There were a few more of course. So now I am led to think about how I can use this levain in my coaching business and with my clients and how I need to keep feeding it to keep it alive to create many other loaves throughout my lifetime.

Have you thought about what your levain is? How you are feeding it? How might you bring this into your own environment - both family and business - and how you can trust the process and keep producing perfect loaves? Maybe you won’t get the recipe right the first time and every time because many variables come into play like the environment you bake it. But the good news is that you always keep some levain to one side so you can keep trying!

Lent – Is it your Second Chance for Change in 2020?

melinda@ayuda-group.com (Melinda Beckett-Hughes) — Wed, 26 Feb 2020 08:43:59 GMT

With less than 25% of our New Year's resolutions still on track, could Lent be a more realistic time for resolve?

I suspect that for most people the notion of Lent is somewhat archaic. We live in a secular society where the rhythms and rituals of the church don’t have a lot of meaning any more. Yet for some it is a time of healing and cleansing; a time to step away from some of the bad habits and behaviours we know deep down are holding us back.

Personally I find the New Year a very hard time to make a fresh start with my resolutions. Quite often there has been too much eating and drinking and generally sitting around in a less productive way and the idea that the clock can turn to 12 midnight and you wake up full of resolve for the things you want to do better or stop doing just doesn’t work for me. The first week of the year is usually so slow we have not got back into any routines and when the Christmas wine delivery has not yet run out and the boxes of Celebrations are still not finished it’s nigh on impossible to keep all those great resolutions!

But lent is somehow different. You are back in the swing of your year, back at work, the kids back at school, etc. The days are getting a bit longer again and the spring flowers are starting to appear. This year we have had such terrible floods and snow is still threatening, but still I feel the resolve is there to make a fresh start. And for me it will be 40 days without a glass of wine – a real killer as I love to cook most days and the ritual of a glass while I’m cooking and a second with my meal is a very hard habit to break. And yet I know that there are days when my mind is less clear and that I could be much more productive and fresher if I doubled my water intake instead. I didn’t manage it last year but this year I shall try again.

But the whole point of giving something up for Lent (apart from the religious reasons if you are a Christian) has a deeper significance. Because sometimes our bad habits can mask other issues such as low self esteem or avoidance of some kind – maybe facing up to the fact that our life is not going where we had hoped. So in my mind the idea of giving something up which you hanker for is only half of the story. Perhaps it is more what you face into if you take away the little fixes. Maybe by tolerating the cravings of what you are missing, you become more self aware and more in tune with the spiritual prompts in your life. By creating that mindful space you are opening yourself up to deeper change and opportunity.

At the end of the 40 days of Lent we have Easter, I think a hopeful time and, if you accept the Christian message, a chance for forgiveness and redemption and the start of a new life in Christ. And while Christmas and New Year can be a time of stress for many families, especially the worse off, perhaps Easter can be the opposite: a time when we don’t indulge ourselves but can take some more time to reflect, to just be and to figure out not only what we want from the year ahead but what God wants of us. What service can we be to the world and to other?. Maybe we all need a bit of a detox from the ‘me culture’ and instant gratification, and open ourselves to our higher calling.

Melinda

RIP to the Crying Clown

Thu, 20 Feb 2020 12:53:01 GMT

" There are some sad things known to man, but ain't too much sadder than the tears of a clown when there is no one around."

If, like me, you were a teenager in the peak of the Motown years these words from Smokey Robinson are probably etched in your heart. There was even a time when I luxuriated in the melancholy of such songs and I'm sure some of that melancholia was brought forward into my adult life and triggered at the loss of love. However they are very acutely brought to mind at this time. Firstly on the very sad death of Caroline Flack which should never have been allowed to happen. And secondly as I watched The Joker this week with the amazing performance of the tragic-comic lead character played by Joaquin Pheonix (what an apt name in itself to play this part).

These are two very different situations, of course. Caroline, it was quoted, 'loved to love'. Perhaps she loved too much. Perhaps her alleged accidental crime was committed in a heated moment of passionate loss of self-control - we may never know because she didn't have chance to defend herself; instead she was tried by media. But here was someone who presented to the world as having it all, although being a complex individual, was happy and vibrant and enjoying life on a cloud of celebrity. Until her fall. Even that last tragic photo of her trying to fix the TV in such a normal everyday way does not give any clue as to her unstable state of mind. And yet the very next day she took her life. I never once watched Love Island and can't comment on whether she was bullied and victimised online, but what struck me was that the person behind the celebrity mask was actually so much more vulnerable than anyone close to her realised. She was perhaps putting on the mask right up to the end. Because to do the opposite and admit to her vulnerability might have made her fall prey to even more dark forces blaming her for attention-seeking or whatever. So sad that she thought that it was better to leave this planet than call for help in her last hours. No doubt those closest to her will have to fight with the pain of believing they should have seen it coming, that they should not have left her alone for her hurt and despair to implode on itself.

The case of the Joker is quite different of course. Here we have a damaged tortured soul who, because of his disability (uncontrollable laughing in inappropriate circumstances), was bullied and ridiculed and who fantasises about making people laugh for real as a stand up. In his case, the anger and bitterness towards society and those who had ridiculed him explode and he chooses to go on a killing spree, knowing of course that he would either be killed or given life imprisonment - a different form of suicide but that it was. In his case he was given a gun for self-defence by one of his odd misguided cronies who didn't see his potential to kill, only his propensity to be a victim. Could his ensuing behaviour have been predicted?

The moral of these tales is that bad mental health may be lurking and latent in many of us, but it is simply not recognised. It might just be discounted or dismissed by us or even unwittingly fed by us because we really don't know what to do about it. We have so many small stresses of our own often placing us close to overwhelm. Our listening radar does not always function as it should.

Smokey goes on to sing:

"Now if I appear to be carefree 

It's only to camouflage my sadness 

And honey to shield my pride

I try  to cover this hurt with a show of gladness 

But don't let my show convince you 

I'm hurt and I want you to know 

For others I put on a show."

So while we cannot hope to heal every tormented soul in our family and friend circle we can keep reminding those around us that we are always there, we are always listening. And if the chips or bagels are really down we are the listener of last resort. Any time of day or night.

Let all those in your world know that while you are around they are never alone.

Melinda Beckett-Hughes

February 2020

New Year New You!

Sun, 08 Dec 2019 08:29:47 GMT

Take some time for yourself on Retreat

Certain times of the year can prompt us to review our lives. It may be a new year, an anniversary, a significant birthday that motivates us to pause awhile and reflect on where we are, on what we’ve done with our lives and what we’d like our next steps to be. For some this could be a pleasurable few moments of reflection. We’ve achieved much of what we aimed for, have good relationships, lovely children, a successful career, good quality of life and we can smile, feeling proud and content.

But for others this reflection can result in an, ‘is this it?’ response, followed by perhaps feeling stuck in a rut, trapped by circumstances and unsure what next steps might be available. A variety of constraints and limitations, fear of rocking the boat and the potential impact of changes may immediately stop further thoughts. Daily life often means we have too much on with work, balancing our finances, the responsibilities of children and family as well as maybe religious concerns to prompt further investigation.

Postponing any changes for several years may seem to be the only possible course of action, but dedicating time to thoroughly considering our situation may raise other possibilities, rather than simply becoming resigned to saying, ‘I’ll wait till the children are older’, or suchlike.

A new year can bring a new you who assesses life by not only acknowledging what’s happening as well as what’s not happening and then reviews ways to improve the situation. Taking ownership, exploring possible steps, how to move on, where to start can be a valuable outcome from a break or retreat at Ayuda House.

Everyday life rarely allows enough time to devote to serious ‘meaning of life’ considerations. There’s scarcely time to breathe, let alone explore different options, decide it’s time to leave an unsatisfactory relationship, walk away from a well-paying job or move to the countryside and become self-sufficient! Any musings will frequently be interrupted because the laundry basket needs attention, it’s time to log onto the laptop or go and collect the children.

So creating an opportunity and booking a few days away for a weekend break or retreat can be an important commitment to yourself. Setting aside time to grieve, recover from a breakup, heal after a change in circumstances or have some space after a hectic time or period of illness provides an interlude for reflection. Are we at a crossroads, what direction should we now head in? Finding answers to these questions can be a valuable investment of a few days on a retreat.

Simply providing yourself with an opportunity for reflection on possible changes and adjustments can help to improve your perspective and doesn’t automatically necessitate major upheaval. Afterwards you may find you return to your day-to-day life with a calmer, healthier attitude, feeling settled and in a better place. An Ayuda House retreat can offer space for you to positively readjust your viewpoint and become more flexible and tolerant. Gaining insights helps you feel better able to introduce minor changes that make life more pleasant for everyone.

An individual retreat often gives you time to dedicate to your physical and mental health and wellbeing, to focus on specific issues and concerns, perhaps through individual sessions which address nutrition, health and wellbeing. Personalised yoga, massage, fitness classes as well as counselling, hypnotherapy and coaching are all available.

A group retreat dedicates time to discussions and workshops, exploring with others ways to handle wider-reaching concerns, like stress, post-divorce, assertiveness, as each attendee is invited to share their coping strategies. It can be a positive start to discover that other people have similar problems in their lives.

Taking that first step with a retreat could be the most significant decision of all. Determining that something needs to change and finding ways to implement some or even all can be a wonderful start to a great new year and a new you.

Susan Leigh, Counsellor and Hynotherapist

It's time to leave your past behind.

PAR002_123@heg.com — Sun, 10 Nov 2019 18:26:23 GMT

Why take a Retreat?

Research shows that 9 out of 10 adults say they don't get enough sleep and 1 out of 14 of us don't take our full holiday allocation. The cost to industry alone is £40 billion a year, not to mention the toll on our own emotional and family life. So it's no surprise that many more of us are looking to retreats as a way of getting some precious personal time in which to recuperate and restore ourselves.

Some people may find the thought of a retreat a little daunting. If you're already stressed, distressed or overwhelmed, the thought of staying somewhere that might be spartan, regimented and demanding of you can be the last thing you'd want to do.

At Ayuda Retreats we totally understand and appreciate those concerns. You may want to detox and address your personal issues but you're also looking for some cossetting, healthy food and comfort in a supportive, nurturing environment. You may want some personal therapy or coaching, a little exercise and fresh air or even a simple shopping trip or some spa time on your own.

With that very much in mind we provide tailor-made retreats designed to give you the space to do what you need to do, to ground yourself again, breathe and regain a healthy balance.

Let's reflect on some of the benefits when you're considering a retreat with Ayuda Retreats.

- Are you constantly busy, accessible and in demand? A time on Retreat is a good time to switch off, forget your devices and become incommunicado for a while. You're setting aside time to be unavailable to the outside world and dedicate time to yourself and reflect on what's going on in your life.

- A retreat is a time to detach, put yourself first and reflect on where you're at in your life, on what needs to change. Have you decisions to make about your relationship, career, which next steps to take? Do you need time to be quiet and heal? Taking time away can help prevent stressed-out, knee-jerk reactions and allow time to properly consider realistic options and choices.

- Deciding to switch off and distance yourself mentally, physically and emotionally from the routine stress and demands of your existing life enables you to have space and time to reflect on your personal situation, think about its lessons and challenges and then clarify your options. Make 'me time' your top priority.

- When you're at a crossroads , perhaps exhausted, it can be a relief to have someone else take over for a time. Yes, you've taken an important first step by booking time away with Ayuda Retreats, but once there, it can be a relief to know that your agreed schedule is in place; what to do, which sessions are next, what treatments you've arranged, what menu you've selected. All you have to do is follow the timetable and turn up!

- A group retreat often provides opportunities to meet people similar to yourself and maybe share stories, advice and discuss solutions with each other. Sometimes a group of friends or work colleagues may choose to book together and have workshops and bonding sessions. Other times a specific theme for the retreat (like confidence, stress management, ‘life after 40’ or moving on after loss or an ending) may attract individuals to attend and work on their specific issues and concerns.

- Giving yourself time to consider the big issues in your life is important. In normal, everyday life there's often little time for reflection. Racing from one thing to the next often becomes an automatic daily response. Giving yourself time to pause, cry, reflect on difficult areas or decisions is important as they are usually pushed to one side or quickly dismissed due to lack of time or concern at opening a 'can of worms'. Gradually little things can become more and more in need of attention.

- Healing, improved confidence and more positive options can be a valuable outcome from group or individual counselling sessions at Ayuda. But also knowing that there's no pressure to disclose or reveal more than you wish can provide a comfortable atmosphere for discussions, as does the advance agreement that anything discussed remains confidential, between the participants.

- Re-connecting spiritually can be a significant part of a retreat . Even if you don't 'do' religion many of us have a spiritual side which links to being grounded, empathic, centred and wanting to be aware of our higher purpose. Giving ourselves time to reconnect with that often neglected part of ourselves can improve our mental health and wellbeing.

Detaching from the outside world, even for a weekend away, and having quiet time, turning off technology, allows our stress-fuelled, adrenalin responses to quieten and become calm, as well as giving time for reflection and calmness on what's going on in our lives. Taking a retreat with Ayuda can re-acquaint you with what's really important in your life and help you feel more positive about your options.

Susan Leigh, Counselling, Hypnotherapy & Stress Management

Why Smart Women (and Men) Can Be So Dumb

Mon, 07 Oct 2019 12:27:59 GMT

Why it that we smart people can be so dumb when it comes to recognising when we are stuck in a bad relationship or a bad job which has become quite toxic for us?

If we had a teenage daughter and she was self-harming in some way like cutting herself or starving herself we would see the immediate signs wouldn’t we? We would be shocked, saddened, want to stop it, get expert help and advice and fix the problem wouldn’t we? We might want to dig deeper and find what the source of such malaise was. Perhaps too much peer pressure or academic stress? Perhaps if it isn’t too cleverly disguised it might just be a cry for help which she actually wants her parents and carers to hear.

But what if this type of self-harming and self-sabotaging behaviour is carried forward into our adult life not really checked at all? And we have become really so much more capable of the subterfuge necessary not to draw attention to our behaviours? We are well out of sight of our parents, we don’t allow our close friends to have a clear window into our world. We feel we have actually ‘made our bed so we damn well have to lie it in’.

So you maybe get stuck in a relationship which seems to work quite well to start with, you are meeting each others’ needs and it’s quite fun and energising. But gradually over time, almost unnoticeably, the other person changes and becomes obsessive or controlling so that ever so slowly you feel that you are becoming dis-empowered or helpless, partly because you have become so dependent on this other person. When does a relationship go from mutual care and interest into becoming co-dependent into becoming something more controlling even coercive? How can you recognise that you are actually in some form of subtle trap and more importantly that it is now time to get out before it becomes just too difficult to make the necessary change?

Arguably there are many men and women who are in this sort of trap. Sometimes the change can happen quickly enough to create a shock reaction in the other and sufficient adrenaline is released to make a hasty exit. But occasionally like the frog in the pan of boiling water the temperature rises so very gradually that the person just doesn’t react at all but just expires. They have no energy left to exit the toxic relationship they just lose themselves and the energy required to fix it or change it can seem just too much. After all, didn’t your family and friends think you were such a nice couple, and happy with each other. “You would find it so hard on your own you know, I mean so many odd people out there, better the devil you know….” Etc.

The same can be true of a job after many years of tolerating something which is not fulfilling or satisfying.

Of course learning to communicate your true feelings and attempting to resolve the impasse is always the right way to start (unless you feel you are truly at risk), but if that fails hire yourself a coach who can help you work through different scenarios, take ownership of your life and your future, put stronger boundaries in place and, if really necessary, make a plan to detach and move on with all the support systems in place to help you.

Why Giving Up is not Giving In

Sun, 06 Oct 2019 12:17:42 GMT

We didn’t get where we got without be stubbornly determined did we? We didn’t give up when the going got tough, we just got going, right? We had a vision, a dream, a goal and we fixed our mind on that, we just carried on doggedly towards the goal. Maybe it was a new job, completing a difficult project, a hook or by crook determination to get married, have a baby or perhaps move house or move city, start a new life. But how do we best react when the goal is not getting closer, when it appears even further away and is eluding our grasp? Do we reinforce our efforts or do we just give up and pursue a different goal?

I suggest that in some ways the steely determination of the successful modern women can also be our worst enemy. We are strong fighters, we are not daunted by the challenge ahead, are we? But to become fixed on our goal should not mean we become fixated; to be focused should also not mean that we become myopic.

So when does the blessing of all that fierce determination and will power become a curse and how can we recognise that perhaps the universe is telling us that we need to stop, re-evaluate our goals and redirect our energies?

Perhaps we need to reframe our thinking about the process of changing direction. Instead of feeling that we have simply given up, or at worst failed, we need to think that we have simply let go of the need to control the outcome of our quest. This creates several new possibilities.

Giving up in our own strength may mean that we can allow a higher power to take over and help us to achieve the goal. If you are a believer this might mean putting it into God’s hands. Sometimes when we acknowledge that we have come to the end of our own strength to achieve our goal, we can be filled and inspired by a far greater power which can show us a new perspective on our situation or even give us fresh ideas on how to move forward.

Conversely humbling ourselves to give up can release us from a burden which was not meant to be ours in the first place, maybe one that was placed upon us by societal or family expectations, but not one which was destined to make us happy and fulfilled.

This is why I like to frame this whole issue as one of ‘Letting Go’ not of ‘Giving Up’. Giving up sounds quite devoid of hope whereas Letting Go is the opposite. Letting go can actually allow a transformational change in your mindset and allow all sorts of new possibilities and resources to flood in. And it might just allow you to achieve your goals in a different way or achieve a slightly different goal but in a way which will give you more joy and peace of mind.

So have a think ... what is it in your life which you may be so doggedly holding onto or pursuing which you know in your heart of hearts might actually be holding you back? Think limitless possibilities and opportunities and trading in the need for control for the joy of release.

Then – right now – just let it go. And see what happens. See the universe respond to your renewed trust in what is best for you.

Melinda Beckett-Hughes

Are you living your best life?

PAR002_123@heg.com — Wed, 04 Sep 2019 10:56:55 GMT

I was at a networking lunch this week and everyone gave their 3 minute intro and, for a lighter way to connect, a description of their favourite place to be.

We all diligently presented our bios some more fluently and skilfully than others. My favourite place was where I just was on holiday since I was still floating on a slice of inflatable pizza somewhere in the Adriatic! And it was as much for the chance to reflect and meditate than for the opportunity to top up my tan.

But what struck me was one lady who was a BDM of an IT company in Yorkshire. A very bright but quite earnest lady who was, it’s fair to say, throwing off some slightly negative vibes. I couldn’t help thinking she wasn’t the happiest person living in her own skin. I didn’t know exactly why I felt that except she wasn’t keeping eye contact and was shifting from foot to foot.

Anyway where it got to the point of talking about where we most like to be, for her it was in front of a keep-fit class because unbeknown to some of us, this lady gave up some of her free time to help women in a more deprived area lose some pounds, and get feeling better about themselves.

She described in a very animated tone one rather overweight lady who didn’t only feel she had a waist back but was beginning to feel a sense of pride and self-confidence that she had always lacked.

What was quite revealing was the transformation in this lady networker’s demeanor from being a slightly disenchanted corporate employee to being a rather energised, enthusiastic fitness coach!

So this led me to thinking how many ladies there are who feel frustrated and blocked doing what they are doing for a living where really their heart lies in pursuing a very different lifestyle which might currently just be a hobby. Is this something they could take forward? Could they develop their model to begin to earn enough money from this to escape the corporate hum-drum? Maybe … or maybe not - but isn’t it worth exploring and seeing if there is a way to make this happen? To become happier and fulfilled doing what you really feel you are born to do rather than what you are trapped in doing?

One of the things I love to do with ladies who come on retreat is to help them find out what their true passion is and how they can pursue this while living an economically successful life as well. Maybe it’s not a jump you can make all in one go, maybe it will take a few steps. But we all need a cheer-leader and someone to help us believe that we can actually follow and fulfil our dreams about living a totally fulfilled life which gives us a true sense of our own purpose.

Sometimes what it takes is a one step of faith into the unknown. Getting away from your own environment with plenty of fresh food and fresh air and good sleep and great conversations with a coach is where we believe your new journey could start.

So if you think that sounds like you.. or you know someone like that why not give us a call or send a message and we can get you booked on our next individual or great retreat programme at Ayuda.

Melinda Beckett-Hughes

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